BOXING DAY.

+ It's Belinda's birthday

Christmas in Melbourne

The weather is fucking shit for a “summer” day. It was hot and sunny, then it thundered for a couple of hours before it began to pour. My front lawn was like carpeted in hail stones lol. Flash flooding and the hail’s breaking everything, cool.
It’s raining, thundering and hailing again. This is not fucking normal.

RainyMood.com: Rain makes everything better.

040

"I go to seek a Great Perhaps."

What if reality are dreams and when you die, you wake up?

Why be normal when you could be happy?

039

"How will we ever get out of this labyrinth of suffering?"

The Box Jellyfish are considered to be extremely deadly due to their ability of emitting venom that can instantaneously stun or kill. Each Box Jellyfish has up to 15 tentacles each corner, and each tentacle contains approximately 5,000 stinging cells. Chemicals present on surfaces of the preys' triggers this carnivore to release their venom. As dangerous as this animal may be, I still perceive it to be one of the most beautiful creatures I have seen in my life. Elegant, majestic, brilliant, grand, wondrous and breathtaking, but also simultaneously terrifying, lethal and perilous. If I was immune to their toxins, I would spend days -- no, months in the ocean swimming with them.

Just Breathe.

86, 400 Seconds

There's life size stickers of 1950-60s entertainers used to decorate walls to cover constructions in a Melbourne shopping centre, and there was a Marilyn Monroe one. And you know what I did? I TOOK IT. Now she's on my wall :') LOL. (Also from the help of Belinda VY)

038

Nobody wants to to stay here and nobody wants to leave.

037

Men are like mountains. Women are like water.

I don't want to sleep because I don't want to miss a thing, but then I love sleep - it's one of my most favourite things to do.

280911 Rainy. Outing for Stella's birthday. T'was 10PM

Before I was in the city walking down Little Lonsdale to get some of that fresh rainy air in to my system, a lady sitting on her suitcase said hello. Me being nice, I stopped and said hello as well. She proceeded to tell me that she was a psychic and she could tell me something about me. I was suspicious and I had a feeling that she was going to ask me for money, and no surprise here, she did. I stayed cause I knew I had some change, if I didn't I would have been long gone plus it was night, rainy and my damp feet contributed to feeling sorry. Well, she told me that I was a kind and calm person and it was going to be all good in this life and I will achieve my life goals so I should raise them a little higher, that this life will be good, but the life in the next life will be even better. I also asked for my hand to be read, this is what she said about my lifeline on my right hand: confusion about life in my earlier years, something about a pretty normal good life with little worries here and there and in my later years I will become spiritual plus living another 20-40 years. My sister came and picked me up, I told her about it and she told me that it's most likely to fake or something, cause it's 'so generic' and psychics that come up to me offering to read my palm or anything should not be charging me for it. I'm kind of glad my sister said that cause then what that lady said is basically destiny. I don't want to believe everything is based on destiny and fate because that'll mean I don't have full control of my life. So, say that this life I was suppose to be failure and be an alcoholic, and I wasn't able to change that because I was 'destined' to be one. It's like having options for you to choose but you're only allowed to chose that specific one. Not really an option is it now? I don't know, I don't believe in destiny. Reading this, I could improve so much but I'm tired. So whatever lol.

036

You say you love rain,
but you open your umbrella when it rains.
You say that you love the sun,
but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines.
You say that you love the wind,
but you close your windows when the wind blows.
This is why I am afraid, you say that you love me too.

- William Shakespeare

The amount of times I write something but I don't publish it or I want to say or do something but I don't. People always say "Don't worry about what they think about you, just do what you want to do" or similar. It's funny because, although so many people keep saying it, everyone is always conscience of what others perceive of them. I could elaborate, persuade and argue why it does ultimately matter but... too tired.

I think it's safe to genuinely say, I don't like any one at the moment. I can finally sleep, think straight, do things productively without something on my mind distracting me and etc. But now, I feel so emotionally dead.

Isn't it strange to think, that you could be the last person on someone's mind before they fall asleep?

I wonder how that feels, to know that you are the last thing on someone's mind.

035

Hell is empty,

And all the devils are here.

- William Shakespeare

Lol my mum said that she can't sleep at night without giving me a cup of warm milk. Ahaha :')

034

You're not living your life. And if you don't take any risks, then you might as well be dead.

033

"It's not about how others look at me, it's about how I look at myself. Mental Rubik's Cube, I know. But, one day it'll make sense."

A tornado flew around my room

There are the people who are so torn over the fact they have no one and/or they are heartbroken. Yeah sure, it's okay to express it but don't over-excessively project it. Yeah relationships are awesome, but don't let it take your life down when it doesn't work the you want it. We're still young, growing, imperfect and we live in one of the best cities in the world, so why not live in the present? We've got time for the seriousness later, so save it. Do the shit you've always wanted to do. Live it up, so when you look back to all your memories you won't be saying, "I should've done that/I wish I did that while I had the chance" or whatever, instead you'll be saying, "Damn, I fucked up things pretty good" with a proud smile on your face.

Yeah urhhh-huhh, so tell me, what's good?

032

"If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space."

I crave spontaneity.

Tie done up with crisp white shirt tucked in

Every time I return back to school from holidays, I always space out for a moment in class, look around then ask myself, "How the fuck did I get here?"

"There's plenty more fish in the sea"

I ain't settling for a damned fish. I'll settle when I find a mermaid LOL

So down to fuck, it's a syndrome.

I need a new reason to wake up in the mornings

I need new reasons.

I'd rather be told the truth than to be lied to

and you know the rest of the cliché.

I have never been so bored in my life

Nothing is entertaining any more. I'm finding myself waiting and dreaming all the time now because it's the same fucking routine but just on a different day.

031

Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than to be absolutely boring.

- Marilyn Monroe

L'esprit de l'escalier

(or l'esprit d'escalier)

the act of leaving a conversation and thinking about all the things that you should have said when it is too late.

Experience is not a competition

E.g. sex, kissing, smoking, intimate relationships, drug use, etc. just naming the few, but seriously it really should not be a competition at all. If you believe in remaining chastise until marriage then do it. Some people don't even realise that's an option. Smoking does not make you more 'cooler' than you already are. It's okay if you want to stay sober. If you're not ready, then don't jump into a relationship. Hearts are not given to be played with.

It may seem like the norm, but there is no rush or no law stating that you must do a particular thing to be accepted.

We are the generation that tried to grow up too fast.

I stand here

And all I hear is "love this", "love that", "I love you", "I love/d him/her"

You can say all that stuff, but answer one question for me: What is love?

I will always love you mum

Just before when I was taking out my dishes from my bedroom of my late night dinner, I found my mum watching TV, sitting at the dinner table with pictures of me when I was younger. I asked her, 'Why did you take my photos off the shelf?' She replied, 'I'm just looking at them. This use to be you.' I think my mum was teary but she looked normal. I didn't want to know if she was or not so I dropped my plate into the sink and asked why again. My mum didn't respond as she was busy pulling the frames apart to get to the photo. I looked her one last time, and then I left the kitchen. I think it was something to do with what was on TV.

Without communication devices involving technology

I don't know whether I'd feel so lost and disconnected, or more alive than ever before.

030

Sometimes when we think we are keeping a secret, that secret is actually keeping us

- Frank

First Inspiration

A post from my other unpublicized blog.

Original posting time: 11:41 AM Wednesday, April 20, 2011

First Inspiration

Unsure of how this occurred, but a memory from so long ago wondered through my mind so late of yesterday/early today. A memory from early-mid 2008.

I had enrolled to take the entrance exam to the state's top high school - Mac.Robertson Girl's High School. It wasn't my choice in wanting to take the exam, my parent's forced me in taking it. All Asian parents at the time were forcing their children in taking this exam, always competing with each other to see who has the more intelligent child, the equivalent for guys was the Melbourne High School entrance exam. I think I was happy at the time with the school I was currently attending and I didn't want to move but it would be cool it see what I was able to achieve.

Before the exam, every Saturday I had tutoring for English by an old lady and Mathematics by this Asian guy (he was cocky, just saying...). I wasn't alone, this was actually a class of 25-30 "C" graded students. At times this got stressful for me because it was mid year and I had some sort of examination from each subject. It was breaking my balls.

On one of the few last lessons of tutoring, before the entrance exam, the old lady was... hrmm... being quite fond of me? I was so confused. Why me? There are clearly other students here who are greater than me. She kept a hand on my arm or shoulder, while she told me that she had a feeling that I would become something great. She saw that I had a confused/wtf expression so she said, "I know what you're thinking. Who cares what this old lady is saying, she's just rambling on. Blah, blah, blah. Well all I'm trying to say is that I have a feeling that you will become something great. You have a whole future a head of you, you'll achieve many things, I won't I'll only have a couple years to live, so make the best of it. Something in me is telling me that you will be great."

Obviously that's not the exact words that she said but it was something like this. I can't remember since this occurred four years ago, but she was enthusiastic about me.

In the end, I took the exam but I didn't pass. There's a certain amount of students picked from each high school and I wasn't one of them. A contributing factor as to why I didn't pass was because I was so sick on that day, my nose was running like a tap!

Even though I didn't pass, one thing that I will remember from all this is the old lady whom I don't remember her name and who didn't know a thing about me, believed so much in me.

029

Say what you think, not what you think you should say

. a n o l e c r a b

She makes my heart scream colours

028

Let the book write itself and enjoy the roller coaster.

Sometimes I Pretend

that I forget what someone has told me. Not like 2 minutes ago, I'm not trying to be a Goldfish, but a time that's long enough for any one to forget. I pretend because I think remembering means that you care, and caring shows that you're vulnerable and exposed. I don't like to get hurt. No one does.

I do a lot of things before i go to sleep

- i play scenes in my head

- i think of the what ifs

- i plan

- i practice what i want to say

- i think of the people i miss

So I found this... When going through my posts. It was a draft written on 5th of March 2011. I think I had a lot on my mind to be writing like this? Who knows.

New editing options

It annoys me that the text you write in the "New Post" box isn't the same size font as in the published post. Colour also has changed from the previous options. :/
You don't know how many times I edit one post.

NTS: Cognitive Dissonance

027

The scariest part of someone passing away isn't their death, it's the memories they left behind that make them feel like they're still here and unbelievable to believe that they're gone.

It's good for you

You would look a little better, don't you know, if you just wore less make-up. But it's hard to realise when you're sky high and you're drinking in your room to make it all go

Cross Country

Note to self: If on a road trip to any place, any where in the world and the sun is setting, pull off the road to watch it, embrace and let life soak in.

026

"Don't settle for the one you can live with,
wait for the one you can't live without."

C.C.

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by

If you smile through your pain and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so never
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Things I Love

In no order. Written as they come to mind
1. Waking up in the morning and feeling alive
2. Smell of freshly cut grass
3. Cold side of a pillow
4. The person you've been thinking of calls or texts you
5. Long hair blowing in the wind
6. Remembering a lovely memory
7. The sound of music
8. Cool breeze on a hot summer's day/night
9. Seeing someone you haven't seen in a long time
10. Warm beds in winter
11. Cuddles, hugs, kisses and holding hands
12. Witnessing the pinnacle of someone's happiness
13. Reading a really good book
14. Dandelions and wishes
15. Putting your hand out the window of a car and letting the wind flow through your fingers
16. Singing
17. Walking on the beach where the tide meets the sands
18. Knowing someone has been thinking of or missing you
19. Seeing old couples who are still in love
20. The silence after so much noise
21. Long hot showers
22. Rainbows, flowers, puppies and kittens
23. Watching the rain fall through a window
24. Lit candles in glass jars, city lights, bonfires and sparklers
25. Satisfaction from a delicious meal
26. Good long night's sleep
27. Clean crisp shirt
28. A refreshing drink

6:15pm Tuesday, February 15, 2011

29. Drawing pictures on steamy mirrors and foggy windows with your finger
30. Being on holidays and not knowing what day of the week it is
31. Laughing so hard you cry or can't breathe
32. Eating tropical fruits on hot summer days
33. Listening to old songs and thinking of all the memories that go with it
34. Bubbles and seeing them unexpectedly
35. Little kids and babies who look at you curiously then smile
36. Snow (I've never seen this but pretty sure I would love it)
37. Staring up at clouds
38. When I'm sick and there's someone there to take care of me
39. Capturing a moment

12.10am Saturday, March 5, 2011

40. The sound of leaves crunching under your foot

10.36pm Thursday, March 31, 2011

41.

025

Piglet: "How do you spell 'love'?"
Pooh: "You don't spell it, you feel it.'

024

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin.
It works, not because it settles the question for you,
but in that brief moment when the coin is in the air,
you suddenly know what you are hoping for.

I wish I was that special someone in your eyes.

St. Valentine's Day

No 24 hours has made me feel more lonelier than these.

Could You Believe

Just around the corner everything is shining gold
A new kinda of soldier looking for a lot of soul

This time, your life
Fractions and seconds make eternity in just one night
So come on, stand out
Cause running and running is turning something into nothing
Look out, no doubt
Don't stop looking

023

light up the smoke. inhale. exhale.

chúc mừng năm mới

022

you never know
how strong
you are
until being strong
is the only
choice you have.

021

No body said it was easy.

I can think of a trillion things I would do with you, but it'll always be a dream.

From concrete, who knew that a flower would grow?