I have never been so bored in my life

Nothing is entertaining any more. I'm finding myself waiting and dreaming all the time now because it's the same fucking routine but just on a different day.

031

Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than to be absolutely boring.

- Marilyn Monroe

L'esprit de l'escalier

(or l'esprit d'escalier)

the act of leaving a conversation and thinking about all the things that you should have said when it is too late.

Experience is not a competition

E.g. sex, kissing, smoking, intimate relationships, drug use, etc. just naming the few, but seriously it really should not be a competition at all. If you believe in remaining chastise until marriage then do it. Some people don't even realise that's an option. Smoking does not make you more 'cooler' than you already are. It's okay if you want to stay sober. If you're not ready, then don't jump into a relationship. Hearts are not given to be played with.

It may seem like the norm, but there is no rush or no law stating that you must do a particular thing to be accepted.

We are the generation that tried to grow up too fast.

I stand here

And all I hear is "love this", "love that", "I love you", "I love/d him/her"

You can say all that stuff, but answer one question for me: What is love?

I will always love you mum

Just before when I was taking out my dishes from my bedroom of my late night dinner, I found my mum watching TV, sitting at the dinner table with pictures of me when I was younger. I asked her, 'Why did you take my photos off the shelf?' She replied, 'I'm just looking at them. This use to be you.' I think my mum was teary but she looked normal. I didn't want to know if she was or not so I dropped my plate into the sink and asked why again. My mum didn't respond as she was busy pulling the frames apart to get to the photo. I looked her one last time, and then I left the kitchen. I think it was something to do with what was on TV.

Without communication devices involving technology

I don't know whether I'd feel so lost and disconnected, or more alive than ever before.

030

Sometimes when we think we are keeping a secret, that secret is actually keeping us

- Frank

First Inspiration

A post from my other unpublicized blog.

Original posting time: 11:41 AM Wednesday, April 20, 2011

First Inspiration

Unsure of how this occurred, but a memory from so long ago wondered through my mind so late of yesterday/early today. A memory from early-mid 2008.

I had enrolled to take the entrance exam to the state's top high school - Mac.Robertson Girl's High School. It wasn't my choice in wanting to take the exam, my parent's forced me in taking it. All Asian parents at the time were forcing their children in taking this exam, always competing with each other to see who has the more intelligent child, the equivalent for guys was the Melbourne High School entrance exam. I think I was happy at the time with the school I was currently attending and I didn't want to move but it would be cool it see what I was able to achieve.

Before the exam, every Saturday I had tutoring for English by an old lady and Mathematics by this Asian guy (he was cocky, just saying...). I wasn't alone, this was actually a class of 25-30 "C" graded students. At times this got stressful for me because it was mid year and I had some sort of examination from each subject. It was breaking my balls.

On one of the few last lessons of tutoring, before the entrance exam, the old lady was... hrmm... being quite fond of me? I was so confused. Why me? There are clearly other students here who are greater than me. She kept a hand on my arm or shoulder, while she told me that she had a feeling that I would become something great. She saw that I had a confused/wtf expression so she said, "I know what you're thinking. Who cares what this old lady is saying, she's just rambling on. Blah, blah, blah. Well all I'm trying to say is that I have a feeling that you will become something great. You have a whole future a head of you, you'll achieve many things, I won't I'll only have a couple years to live, so make the best of it. Something in me is telling me that you will be great."

Obviously that's not the exact words that she said but it was something like this. I can't remember since this occurred four years ago, but she was enthusiastic about me.

In the end, I took the exam but I didn't pass. There's a certain amount of students picked from each high school and I wasn't one of them. A contributing factor as to why I didn't pass was because I was so sick on that day, my nose was running like a tap!

Even though I didn't pass, one thing that I will remember from all this is the old lady whom I don't remember her name and who didn't know a thing about me, believed so much in me.

029

Say what you think, not what you think you should say